Poignant but hysterical . . .

My recent comments regarding theft caught the attention of Patty Green, the charming owner of Sisters Antiques in Issaquah (ya gotta go there!). Anyone who's been in this business for any length of time knows what we're talking about. Patty had a unique way of handling a particular incident. We laugh so we don't cry--check this out!!

August 1, 2006:

"Perhaps you are not aware that I grew up on Dragnet, One-Adam Twelve, and Chips! And to further impress you, I took a test prior to entering college which was designed to inform me what my ideal profession was. Results were overwhelming: I was to be a cop! Unfortunately, at that time registration for training was only available once a year and I had missed the deadline. But I’ve always known I was a cop-at-heart…

After leaving the shop today around 5:30 for an appointment, I returned a little after 7:00 p.m. Prior to leaving, I had put nearly everything inside that I normally take in before I leave for the evening. Knowing I was going to come back and finish my chores, I did leave out a couple of pieces of patio furniture.

Upon my return, I drove through the rear entrance to the parking lot to find three cars parked in front of the shop. This is not unusual because of the amount of people eating dinner at Lombardi’s. However, cars are usually parked in all the spaces in front of the adjoining shops, spilling over in front of my shop and Leathers.

I noticed that there was a newer model Blazer parked directly in front of the shop, backed in, with the tail gate open. As I pulled closer, the Blazer pulled forward and proceeded north, away from the shop, toward Gilman Blvd. I realized that in the rear of the Blazer was a wrought iron glider I had just purchased. I immediately was in hot pursuit of the vehicle… Okay, I just followed it. But “pursued” sounds so much better.

The Blazer pulled into the parking area on the west side of Schuck’s Auto Parks and parked between two cars, heading south. I pulled behind the Blazer, and then decided to pull around to the front, making it more difficult for the Blazer to leave.

Although the vigilante side of me wanted to come to a screeching halt in front of the Blazer, I opted to not directly block the car in case the driver attempted to escape. I shuddered at the thought that my precious truck might be rammed!

I bolted from my car, cell phone in hand, shouting… “You stole my glider!!! You stole my glider!!!” The thief (okay, the alleged perpetrator…) disembarked from his vehicle with his face scrunched up, stating, “I didn’t steal anything!” His lame excuse was that… “uh… I went to the store… and… uh… talked to somebody about this…” Immediately, I shouted that I was in the store the entire day and he had not come into the shop! He regrouped and stated that a friend… uh… had asked about the glider… Again, I sharply announced that NO ONE had asked about the glider.

I called 911 while standing in front of the Blazer. As soon as my call was answered, I shouted out the license plate number. I was asked what I was reporting, and once I mentioned that I had apprehended the thief, was assured a squad car had been sent. I was asked if I was facing the bad guy (okay, alleged perpetrator…). I said, “YES!” And I was then asked to step away from the --- ‘bad guy’. The operator said she would stay on the line with me until the squad car arrived. She asked my date of birth and a few other questions. She asked me the age of the ‘bad guy’ and I responded, “40-ish”. He contorted his face as if I had insulted him and kept saying that he wasn’t going anywhere. Damn right he wasn’t!

AHA! The squad car arrived. The first squad car, that is! A female police officer came over and asked me what had happened. She also pointed her finger at the ‘bad guy’ and commanded him to stay put. She heard my side, and then asked me to stay by her car so she could talk to the ‘bad guy’.

Within minutes, three more squad cars pulled in. God, I love Issaquah.

Another police officer got out of his car and asked me if “I was with him” gesturing toward the ‘bad guy’. I responded no, that he was the bad guy and I was the good guy.

At some point, the thief (oops… purported thief…) was frisked and handcuffed. And he would not make eye contact with me. I so wanted to mouth the words, “You’re going to hell, ----er…” but I never caught his eye.

After being questioned by several officers, the ‘bad guy’ was whisked off to jail. I asked what the process was and was told that he would be in jail for the night and would be charged with 3rd degree theft (huh?). Bail would be set, and if he could post it, he could leave in the morning. A court date will be set and the rest will be history. I asked about my appearance in court, and I guess it’s just a wait-and-see.

While he did steal my glider, I did get it back. I can pursue the matter further (like many retailers do, according to the officer). I’ll find out what that entails and start a new novel! I’m determined to make sure this guy pays dearly for what he did. After all, we’re talking about 7:00 p.m. in the evening! Right next door to Leathers – and they are still open!

And now I’m watching “ COPS” on television, wondering if my story is good enough to air…"

Patty, you made my day . . . thanks for the good laugh!!!

xo Debi